By Kim Gruver and Zahraa Chorghay (Twitter @fieryzarzar)
Loneliness is a common feature of the human condition. While discussions about feeling lonely are largely stigmatized in society, fostering a sense of shame and unworthiness, we have all experienced loneliness at some point or another in our lives and it does not mean that there is something wrong with us! The moments when we feel most lonely are often not aligned with the moments when we are physically alone; we can feel alone despite being surrounded by others. Loneliness, then, is an internal state that is contingent upon whether we feel meaningfully embedded into the fabric of a group or community. This blends into the conceptualisation of human connection as a basic need. What if we imagined our loneliness or isolation from a supportive community to be one aspect of malnourishment? Could we take our need for love and belonging more seriously if we likened it to our need for an array of vitamins and nutrients consumed daily? What if we acknowledged that being actively supported by community is essential for our survival?
It has been well-established that social isolation and loneliness lead to profound psychological consequences, particularly evident in the landscape of the current pandemic (Pietrabissa and Simpson, 2020) that will further increase the high prevalence of 1 in 5 Canadians experiencing mental health disorders annually (Smetanin et al., 2011). Therefore, by definition, what can mitigate these dire outcomes is having meaningful interactions with other human beings. A powerful way to do so is through community building, which is a set of practices aimed at creating social environments that foster a sense of belonging and fulfilment. Sounds like too vague a definition? That’s because “good” community building depends entirely on what the individuals are looking for, with the hope that together they are able to better fulfil those needs and perhaps even to spur on self-actualisation. Since the COVID-19 pandemic currently limits our in-person interactions, here we focus on online communities, with the aim of conveying why community engagement and building is a worthwhile yet challenging endeavour, what makes a community meaningful, and some practical strategies for doing so.
Engaging in a community begins with identifying what we want to gain from it, since different types of communities offer different benefits or support. Once you identify your objective for seeking a community, you will be better able to not only find your place in one but also to foster the kind of environment that will feel rewarding to you. What if the community you’re looking for doesn’t exist? Then you can build it! In creating a community, you can choose the format, the outreach level, your engagement, and the tone for a space that is aligned with your needs and values. And in case you are wondering, you are as qualified as anyone else to create this space that you long for. In fact, during these isolated pandemic times, it is now in some ways easier than ever to join and build our own communities.
The first and arguably the most crucial factor to consider is the opportunity for social connection and inclusivity that the community is offering to its members. Does this community appear to be committed to making its members feel included and respected as they share their opinions and experiences? Are members and moderators interacting with each other in a friendly and encouraging way? For example, back in March of last year as Montreal abruptly found itself under quarantine, KG started a Montreal-based Facebook group called MTL 👑-19 Community Support, aimed at connecting those of us who could benefit from the company, selfie-threads, and memes of our fellow homebound Montrealers. KG created this COVID-19 support group not to save somebody else, but because she personally needed additional support and community when the pandemic took root in our world. ZC quickly joined this group, partaking in discussions with fellow Montrealers about their COVID experiences and hobbies, which served as a reminder that she was not alone in facing this unprecedented global event. The best thing about the group has been the warmth and care amongst its members, who are often checking in with each other and lifting each other’s spirits! Perhaps the greatest fear of opening up in a virtual setting is the access strangers have to your vulnerabilities. As a participant, it is therefore important to take your time to evaluate whether the group makes you feel this warmth and care, as well as to ensure that you are also being mindful in carrying this tone forward.
The second factor is that of shared experiences or goals. Can I relate to this community? Do I share its goals or the lived experiences of its membership? Like KG, during the pandemic, ZC continued to moderate one and co-founded a second Facebook community. These groups were based on different facets of the shared experience of being a daughter of the diaspora. Members would share anecdotes and discuss relevant topics, give each other recommendations of products and media to consume, and even set up activities to do together. Somewhere in the midst of discussing family ties, favourite ATLA (Avatar: The Last Air Bender) characters, biryani recipes, or lyrics to old Bollywood songs, these Facebook groups gave ZC and her peers a space where they could be unselfconsciously both Eastern and Western. As a group organiser or moderator, beyond the responsibilities of a respectful participant, one is further responsible for ensuring open and respectful dialogue by setting a friendly tone in their own interactions with group members, as well as stepping in to prevent or resolve conflict. Arguably, one of the most fascinating things about online communities is that we are willing to be vulnerable amidst both friends and strangers in making our opinions and values known, and this shared emotionality can fuel movements.
The community you create can take any form and cater to any goal you are interested in. Last summer, KG co-launched the MTL Air/Care – Soins d’Air MTL mutual aid fundraiser for purchasing air conditioners for low-income Montrealers. This would help keep people out of the emergency room due to heat-related illness over the summer, helping protect them from needless COVID-19 exposure and lessening burdens on the healthcare system. KG thus worked closely for several months with a small group of peers united by their moral compulsion to ensure that their neighbours were living in humane conditions. In a similar vein, ZC helped launch a petition championing anti-racism and diversity within her research institute, which gave her purpose and hope in the aftermath of the Black Lives Matter movement. While it is a miniscule step, it is her hope that their efforts will contribute to making the culture of science academia more inclusive.
As we continue to work on these community building skills, we can see applications beyond conducting dialogue or meeting specific goals. Having a community also gives you opportunities for performing activities as a means to connect! Am I looking for activities to participate through this community, and if so, would my needs be met here? We have come across monthly cookbook clubs, gaming groups, Stitch-n-B*tch knitting / crocheting / embroidery groups, fitness groups, and so forth. A couple of months ago, ZC co-founded a Poetry and Spoken Word Working Group that meets biweekly on Zoom to discuss published work and their own pieces, encouraging thematic analyses, constructive criticism, and the public speaking skills of its members. She is excited to see how this safe space of self-expression and creative collaboration will blossom over the coming months.
Lastly, there are some practical considerations to online communities. In terms of size, large memberships allow more opportunities for interactions, but limit the privacy or intimacy of connections. A workaround, of course, is to use the infrastructure of larger groups to then seek people for small group interactions. Another consideration is scheduling. Ideally, the frequency, regularity, and flexibility of meetings should work well with your pre-existing time commitments. Lastly, there are numerous online platforms to serve the needs and goals of a community you create or join, so think about how your ideal community communicates or connects! Social media platforms include Twitter, Facebook and its daughters Instagram and WhatsApp, and the more privacy-providing equivalent of the latter, Signal. Video conferencing platforms include Zoom, Blue Jeans, the more interactive RPG-like GatherTown, as well as those that are connected to a host of cloud services, like GoogleMeet and MS Teams. Streaming services such as Netflix (through the GoogleChrome extension Teleparty) and Twitch further allow people to consume entertainment together. A particular favourite is Discord due to its inbuilt functionality for chats, calls, video calls, shared streaming, and game play, allowing members to not only talk to each other but also do activities together, making it ideal in addressing many of the factors we hitherto discussed.
“In a world mired with increasing uncertainty but where we are nonetheless expected – both by society and by our own inherent expectations – to be productive and successful, it seems worthwhile to invest in the systems that will sustain us.“
We hope that this blogpost provided you with sufficient insight on how to approach online communities, and would like to leave with you some key realisations we have had through our own experiences. When KG thought about creating these groups, she was initially hesitant, anxious, and shy: “How silly or pathetic will I look?”. But as these groups blossomed into something larger than herself and her loud insecurities, she felt more at peace. She also began to feel proud of what felt like the risky endeavor of putting herself and her ideas out there, at the perceived risk of mockery or embarrassment. Fortunately, she found the people around her were instead supportive, encouraging, and engaged. ZC noticed that interacting through group chats and video calls specifically with the handful of people leading these groups (i.e. fellow co-administrators or co-founders) augmented the social rewards of being a part of these larger communities in the first place. Other than the excellent meme content, these interactions allowed her to constantly draw inspiration and strength from a group of like-minded individuals with whom she shared a vision of the world and her place within it, and allowed her to learn and grow with them.
In summary, being a part of these online communities has helped us counter the social isolation and loneliness that otherwise permeates our rather dystopian present. It makes us feel better, and that’s really what it all comes down to! Arguably, if a community could help just one person feel more supported and less socially isolated, then it’s worth it. In a world mired with increasing uncertainty but where we are nonetheless expected – both by society and by our own inherent expectations – to be productive and successful, it seems worthwhile to invest in the systems that will sustain us. Should you need support at any point, don’t hesitate to seek it from your community or health care professionals (click here for a link to COVID-19 resources).
References:
COVID-Specific Support Off-Campus. McGill University. https://www.mcgill.ca/wellness-hub/get-support/support-campus-closure.
MTL Air/Care – Soins d’Air MTL.
MTL 👑-19 Community Support Facebook Group.
Pietrabissa, G., and Simpson, S.G. Psychological consequences of social isolation during COVID-19 outbreak. Front Psychol 2020. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.02201.
Smetanin, P., Stiff, D., Briante, C., Adair, C.E., Ahmad, S. and Khan, M. The life and economic impact of major mental illnesses in Canada: 2011 to 2041. RiskAnalytica, on behalf of the Mental Health Commission of Canada 2011. https://www.mentalhealthcommission.ca/sites/default/files/MHCC_Report_Base_Case_FINAL_ENG_0_0.pdf.